literature

A Day Unlike the Others - Pt.1

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Literature Text

Part One


He was lying on a thin layer of leaves beneath a tree, watching at the squirrels jumping merrily from branch to branch as they were preoccupied with their food gathering task and listening to the birds chirp, welcoming the beginning of spring. The snow had melted almost a month now and nature in its entirety was dancing to the tunes of rebirth and renewal. Norick smiled as one of the birds flew down from the tree it was perched on and nestled on his chest.
Admittedly, the country of Chatand had nothing to be jealous of Rhydor, his birth place. But then again, there was nothing he loved more than the frozen, snow covered peaks of the Ari mountains, spreading their glorious might from one point of the horizon to the other.

A scream interrupted his daydreaming, the female vocals escalating fast, calling the names of the gods between loud moans. It was obviously time for him to resume his duties. He sighed and sat up, picking up his swordbelt from the ground and placing it around his waist. Standing up, he strolled down the wooded path to the farmer's house and waited, like he was instructed to. Not long after the cloaked figure of a woman came out of the small cottage, walking hurriedly towards him.

"Let's get going", she said to him without stopping. "I don't want to be late."

He grunted something under his breath and picked up his pace, following her.

_______________________________________


"What is wrong? There is a frown on your face for the last mile or so."

With one eyebrow arched to a perfect angle, Rithiell stared at Norick inquisitively.

"It's not a frown, it's dismay. I'm just sick of this menial job. Your father hired me to protect you from harm and you are paying me to keep my mouth shut so he won't get to know of your activities. But why do I have to escort you when you're meeting with your suitors?"

He paused and took a deep breath, exhaling sharply.

"I really don't understand why you keep doing it... Why, in the name of the gods, you keep disobeying your father and run after every man you see fit to pleasure you."

"Why are you asking this of me now? You already know the answer!" said Rithiell, profoundly annoyed by where the conversation was heading. Besides, he already knew from the start. She had explained all this to him the night they had struck their deal.

"It wasn't a question, it was merely a statement. And yes, I know. You want to live your own life. You don't want your title to enslave you. You want to be the one to make all the choices. You know what all these sound to me? Poor, childish excuses."

"Child-"

Norick's eyes met with Rithiell's glare but he continued, not giving her the chance to react or talk back.

"If you feel enslaved by your title and your wealth, then denounce it and begin a new life, where you will have to work to earn a living. I know you wouldn't dare do that though. Your love of expensive dresses and lavish lifestyle prevents you from enjoying the pleasures of living free.  But I have to admit that partially you're making the right choice. For if you travel away from this land that shelters your kin, you will be treated as the rest of this world's Qarista. Like merchandise. Moving profit. You will be captured and sold to the highest bidder, probably somewhere in the continent of Ramlah."

She stopped walking and looked at him intensely, her expression much softer now.

"Why are you telling me of all this now?" she asked, genuinely confused. "I really don't understand. What is the point?" Rithiell looked straight into Norick's eyes, as the man stopped and turned to face her.

"Damn you girl. You should have known me better by now. I care for you, that's why. And because I do, I understand why your father is being so strict. Why he asked of me to take care of you, to protect you. He cares for you Rithiell. There are not many Qarista left in the world, barely a dozen who still have the right of a title and a fortune to go along with it. You're one of them. All your father asks of you is that you wed with one of your kin and maintain the purity of your race. Why is that so bad?"

Rithiell furrowed her brows as she lowered her head.

"You really don't get it, right?"

"Get what Rithiell? The man has a point."

She lifted her head in a swift move and started walking again, pacing faster than before. Norick sighed and rubbed his temples. This girl was... was... was intolerable!

____________________________________


They were walking down the streets of Celance when she turned her eyes to him again, slowing down her pace.

"We can't be seen together or my father will know."

"You think I don't know that?" he said lowly, his voice barely making any sound.

He stopped and turned around the way they had come. There was something about him that excited Rithiell, yet at the same time she was afraid of him. He was bearing a heavy load in his heart, that much she had understood from the minute she first spoke to him. A load of anger. A load of hate. He took a step away and paused, murmuring something she couldn't hear.

"What did you say?" she asked plainly.

"I said that you can return to your family's mansion from here alone. We're already in the city. You are in no danger", he replied with a hollow growl.

He placed his hands in his pockets and started walking again, his eyes fixed on the road ahead of him. Rithiell stood and watched him as he took a turn to a crossroads, his figure vanishing behind what seemed to be a bakery shop. No, she wouldn't take that attitude from him. She simply wouldn't. She was a noble, a Gel'feyn. That still meant something in this part of the world. With a sudden spring, she darted towards the building, running behind him. She had to put him back in his place.
Her Ladyship, Rithiell Gel'feyn of the noble house of Gel'feyn, is a Qarista woman who loves disobeying her father's wishes of socialising with people of lesser birthrights to her own, especially humans.
Norick Blanke, a human mercenary, has been employed to watch over the superficial, frivolous noble in secret and report back to her father.
Things only become complicated when the two of them meet and come to a mutual agreement.

Rithiell and Norick are OCs from my original fantasy world, Terra Antiqua


Master and Servant- First Time is Always MemorableShe stood in front of the heavy door with a brass key in her hand. Giggling impishly, she was trying to place it in the keyhole, while Norick's hand had crawled underneath her elaborate dress and was stroking her thigh, his fingers entwined to her silken underwear. At the sound of the lock opening his grasp tightened and a broad grin lit his face as he pulled the piece of cloth with one fast move, ripping it apart. Rithiell gasped and turned to face him, her baby blue eyes meeting his as he leaned for a deep, passionate kiss. She could sense every inch of his impatience through his rummaging tongue in her mouth, through every single one of hi





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KathraW's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

I have finally made it here! After the long treacherous journey through The Land of No-Ending Requests, I have arrived to critique your beautiful little piece ^-^

I'll start with grammar:

"He was lying on a thin layer of leaves beneath a tree, watching at the squirrels jumping merrily from branch to branch as they were preoccupied with their food gathering task and listening to the birds chirp, welcoming the beginning of spring."- This seems like a bit of a run-on <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/n/n…" width="15" height="15" alt=":nod:" title="Nod"/> For it to serve as your introductory sentence, I would suggest a little revising.

Also, "... watching at the squirrels jumping merrily from branch"-"at the squirrels"? Did you mean to put the "at"?

This is just me being a bit nit-picky here. The paragraph starting with "Admittedly" needs a space between it and the previous paragraph ^-'

"Not long after the cloaked figure of a woman..."- comma after "after" <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/let…" width="15" height="15" alt=":P" title=":P (Lick)"/>

"He cares for you Rithiell."-comma before the name. If you are ever addressing someone, you add a comma before said name.

~Summary~

Interesting beginning sequence. I like how you began with Norick and then brought in Rithiell. She seemed like the disturbance to his peaceful tranquil moment as he viewed the nature.

She seems like a spoiled brat, while Norick is somewhat an opposite besides his attitude. I personally like him better than the girl. She bugs me. I guess it's because she just seems so caught up in herself and her story is very status quo in comparison to Mr. Norick.

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="17" alt=":butterfly:" title=":butterfly: (Butterfly)"/> Well, that's it for now. This is only your first chapter so I can judge anything just yet. I hope I was a little helpful, and I'll be back to critique your other pieces soon. Let me know if you have any questions whatsoever. I'll answer them freely <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/r/r…" width="15" height="15" alt=":rose:" title="Rose"/>